The following is a review from one of our n̶e̶m̶e̶s̶es̶ ̶ colleagues- the self-proclaimed "reviewer", Geoffrey Jakeson (pictured). We reprint it below because the malign intent and bile thrown toward us by this most antiquated of judges CLEARLY reflects the bravado and revolutionary zeal which confounds the conservative orthodoxy that is so endemic in this fucking country. Thankyou in advance for agreeing with us.

A REVIEW (((TAKEN FROM GEOFFREY JAKESON’S DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO SYDNEY THEATRE “DEFINITIVE SYDNEY THEATRE GUIDE”)))

 

Sometimes one experiences something so excruciating that vomitous bile in the only reasonable response. I present this review with a warning toward those of a delicate sensibility.

 

The artists responsible for this production are one Ms Margot Koch (director) and her associate Mr Benedict J. Jay-Jaye (dramaturg). This “piece”, such as it was, was an ill-conceived exercise in flatulent self-indulgence. There was no apparent point to the production I endured for four hours - WITHOUT interval - which was not only ill-conceived, but ill-rehearsed. 

 

Ms Koch seemed to recognise the paucity of material, because she frequently addressed my person by name with the entreaty: “Please don’t write about this, Geoffrey Jakeson.” Her compatriot (shall we refer to him as "partner in crime"), Mr Jay-Jaye, resorted to offers of cunnilingus, a gesture which was at least dramaturgically sound. 

 

Nevertheless, it appalls me to think that these miscreants graduated from the National Institution of Dramatic Art (NIDA) - as they repeatedly reminded the audience at random throughout the production. 

 

Judging by the quality on display tonight, I would recommend that both reconsider their respective careers. Their talents would be better served shovelling donkey shit. Does this reflect a down-turn in quality at once was a breeding ground for the finest of theatre acumen (and which loyal readers will know that I used to teach until my summary dismissal after spurious allegations of sexual misconduct were leaked to the gutter press)? I think the answer is necessarily “yes”. At least this reflects positive news for the art of shovelling donkey shit.